Men: What the Hell is Wrong With Them?

Here's some background on my dating history. Had my first kiss in 6th grade - his name was Ben Duda. He was cool. I was not. Broken heart numero uno. But, I moved beyond it and had my first boyfriend my junior year in high school - Larry from Lancaster. He had to emcee his prom which was the same night as mine - I went with my friend who annoyed me the whole night and danced on the table at the dinner. Larry = broken heart #2. Then came John #1 with his "boom boom bass car" and his baggy jeans and wannabe African American lingo - the whitest boy in all of Amherst, NY. John #1 liked golf and bass more then me. John #1 = #3. And then there came John #2 - I thought he was "the one". I was 17 and it was the summer before college. The whirlwind romance led to walks on the pier and nights of gambling at the Buffalo Italian Festival. What more could a girl want? Then I went to school. John #2 = super broken heart #4 - forcing me to spend endless nights in my miniature dorm room listening to Jewel and lighting candles. But I moved on. And then there was Jason. To this day, probably the love of my life (like I said - "to this day"). We were together for 5 years, including a cross-country move to Colorado. Then, I got bored and moved to LA, leaving him behind with only my TV, giant teddy bear, some cd's, my shoes, and my Mustang to keep my company. It was the beginning of my life in LA and I couldn't possibly imagine what was to come....

An Introduction to the Inside of the Fortune Cookie

Whether you want to admit it or not, we've ALL seen at least one episode of "Sex and the City". Now, mix that with "Mr. Magoo" and "General Hospital" and you have the zany experience I lovingly refer to as my LIFE. I've learned in my 20-something years of life on this crazy planet that if you don't laugh, you'll cry. And, since I prefer to not smear my mascara (since it's approximately $20 a bottle - that's like TWO martinis), I choose to laugh. And, to be honest, my chronicles ARE laughable and I feel it my duty as a human being looking out for the well-being of mankind to share my experiences and let you freely wet your Depends. I hope that first of all, you get that over-active bladder checked out, and second, that there are people out there that will be able to sympathize with me. After all, this is LOS ANGELES, the glamorous land of the 5 "b's": Beauty, BMWs, Botox, Beaches and Boobs. And since my glass is less then 1/2 full (no boobs, botox or BMW) - it makes for an exciting attempt at dating. My mom always reminds me that if I moved back to the mid-west (where my whole family swelters and freezes together) I would be married, barefoot and pregnant. Um, bonus? So, I push those desires off for yet another year and continue to muddle through the LA Dating and basic Living scene. And now, you, too, will have a glimpse into that. But, if you comment on typos and/or spelling errors you will be banished from the blog FOREVER. And now it's time for some setting and background.... the first thing you need to know is on a number of occasions, I've picked the fortune cookie with NO fortune in it. And that's just the beginning...