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Hello? Hello? Is this thing on??

You hate me, don't you? My complete lack of blogging manners has really caused a, how you say, shit storm amongst my readers. You just can't let me go....

But alas, I can not let you go either.

So, I'm returning - with a twist.

I'm returning with the warning that my life may be too boring for you now. No more blind dates, no more "Who the hell is that next to me?!" moments, etc. I highly doubt that hearing about the "just do the damn dishes" argument will really get you moving. But being in a relationship presents its own mysteries. So, I will do my best to remain entertaining and allow you a glimpse into life as it is....

With that in mind, it also creates a greater ability for me to talk about other people and some of my observations.

So, although the content may change a smidge, the sheer glee and laughter that I enrich your lives with will remain the same.

But, I suppose you want the Reader's Digest version of what's been going on in the life that is Rachel.

#1 - The pink bike died. I was cruising down the bike path one day not noticing that after leaving pinky in the rain for months ALL the spokes were rusted out. All of a sudden like a mini-machine gun, I heard "pop pop pop" then "boom". Wheels collapsed. Pinky and rider go boom and that was the end of pinky the bike.

#2 - Living in Brentwood. BRENTWOOD SUCKS. No wonder OJ went nuts. Don't move there, don't visit, don't even glance at it on a map. You will be instantly assaulted by collagen, saline, and a rife side of BITCH and attitude. I miss Venice.

#3 - Still living with my "delivered to my door Aussie", Oz. We cook dinners together, fight over the remote (and other things, don't worry), and drive each other utterly crazy. But I still love the guy. Isn't domesticity grand?

#4 - Cameron is still the cutest dog in history. Period.

#5 - Went down under (as in the continent, you pervs) to meet Oz's family and friends. AMAZING country and really amazing beer (don't EVER say "Fosters" is beer - they hate that shit like we hate PBR). In fact, so amazing, I may end up there some day.....

#6 - Totaled my car in a head-on collision when a guy with miniature arms (we called him "celery stalks" ran a red light and plowed into me). When no one came to help me, (they just looked and drove off) a homeless man pulled me out of my car. Gotta love LA compassion. I was fine, although when accosted by celery stalks in the middle of the street, I thought I had a major head injury. Doctors said I was fine (many a person beg to differ), and now I drive a Volvo (with a dual turbo engine, of course).

So that's about it in a nutshell. If you feel that I didn't cover the past 7 months adequately, I'm sure that you'll let me know.

Love me later!

PS: I'm a total nerd. I saw "Transformers" last night and freakin' loved it. Shia LaBeouf is my new Hollywood crush. So move over George Eads (from CSI), Shia's moving in on your lady....