Ahhhhh - Spagasm

Due to the onslaught of annoying relationship drama in my life lately, I decided, as I mentioned last week to treat myself like royalty - and that I did. Although due to unplanned rain on Saturday, we did not get to go to Disneyland, Sunday, E and I spent six solid hours at the best place on earth - the Olympic Spa in Koreatown. http://www.olympicspala.com/aboutspa.htm

You may have seen a writeup on it in Vogue, Allure or LA Magazine or, if you're not cool like me, maybe you haven't. Anywho, it's the bomb. With a capital "B". But, since I'd never been there before, I didn't quite know what to expect. And E was a spa virgin so she really didn't know what to expect. But we got to see EXACTLY what to expect the second we walked in. Naked naked naked. Women of all sizes, ages, races, you name it, were naked. I would say about 100. All naked. Now don't get me wrong, I've been to spas before where you jacuzzi naked, sauna naked, etc., but, nothing as naked as this. But, I have to admit, after the initial shock of it all it was almost freeing. Now, I'm not going to run off and join a nudist colony or anything because I love clothes but it was nice to not feel self-conscious or feel the need to constantly suck in. Completely non-sexual. Everyone just let it all hang out - and in some ways - more then I needed to see, but, to each their own. (I do want to say one thing - if a place has waxing services available - take advantage of them. Ok, that's the only "constructive" thing I'll say.)

The experience was incredible. We spent the whole day in steam rooms, oxygen/jasmine rock saunas, hot tubs, mugwort tubs, you name it. We also both got the "Body Bliss" treatment that consisted of a full body scrub (and when I say "full", I mean everything but the inner who-ha), facial rub and mask, a full hair wash and condition, and a one-hour deep tissue massage. But it was a little different then I was used to.

1.) You were in a corner of the spa room (where everyone was in the tubs and pools, etc) which was quartered off with four tables. A naked chick was on each table being rubbed, scrubbed and cleansed by a small, older Asian women in black bikinis. (We're not talking swimsuit models, here, boys. But man these woman could kick your ass, and so sweet and professional.) You are buck naked on a table for all to see. Luckily, you have a hot towel over your eyes the whole time so you don't feel like you're on display. And to be honest, no one's watching anyway. (They're too busy being naked themselves.)

2.) After each part of the treatment, you were literally rinsed off with buckets of warm water. Hence, why they wear bikinis - water's flying everywhere. At one point, I had to go shower off the jojoba body scrub in the shower and when I came back, I evidently hadn't rinsed well enough, so, I had to assume the leap frog position next to my table (naked) as my therapist poured more buckets over my not-well-rinsed head. That was interesting. (E rinsed well and didn't have to experience that.) I felt like I was bowing to Buddha or something.

3.) They don't speak English well (understatement), so, really the only thing they say to you is: "You ok?" and "Turn over" and "On your side". After the first couple "flippings", she just smacked my leg and that, apparently, meant "turn your skinny ass over". And I did.

4.) There was no towel on the table, which is a laminate of sorts. (I did see them sanitize them, though, so no worries.) But because of this, after some of the massage oil in on you, the flipping gets a bit dangerous. Luckily, Hong (my woman) held onto me and prevented me from flopping onto the floor like a klutzy ass. At one point, because I still have a hot towel on my eyes (so I'm blind), I had to sit up and then she used the slipperiness of the oil/table combo and twirled my naked ass (literally) around so my head was on the opposite side of the table to get my hairwash. It was like a naked ballet.

5.) At the end, she stood me up, dressed me in my robe, looked me straight in the eye, smiled and said, "You have a wonderful day" and sent me on my now semi-naked way. Like I was being dismissed from class - but in a really sweet and genuine way.

I have to say, all "craziness" aside, it was one of the most relaxing, professional and comfortable massages I've ever had. A true "spagasm". And believe me, I'm a spa "ho" - my other addiction next to shoes is spas. So, this is a big thing to say. In the end, my neck was kink-free, my skin was glowing and soft as a baby's ass (without diaper rash of course), and I felt as though I had treated myself like royalty as I had promised myself.

And E? She, too, survived and experienced her first "spagasm". I reminded her, though, that when she goes to a fancy spa, the massage therapists, are NOT allowed to body scrub or massage your derriere crack. Anywhere outside the Olympic Spa in Koreatown that is called misconduct.

Overall grade? A++++++++. But, sorry guys, it's women only.