STOP IB

Why do people breast feed their children after they grow teeth? Why is this acceptable behavior? Doesn’t it hurt?

Not only is the idea creepy, but, it’s also extremely disturbing when it is done in a public space. I have two words: CHILD ABUSE.

Prior to my retinas being burned out due to the disgusting image of a 4-year old sucking on his mother’s hippy boob on a bench outside of Trader Joe’s, I was merely a young lassy on a quest for some $2 double-gold winning Shiraz (for those of you who don’t live in California, you might not get that – too bad) and some brandy for this weekend’s sangria.

I was literally stopped dead in my tracks like a deer in headlights. The woman was not hurting for money, as indicated by her Hermes bag. Yet, apparently, she can not afford to buy milk or, hell, even a breast pump. And the worst part? THE KID WAS WEARING A SANTA HAT. Can you say EGGNOG BUZZ KILL?

I’m all about the natural “beauty” of breastfeeding - as long as the child can not hold silverware on his own. How do you pack a lunch for your kid if he’s still breastfeeding? And I’m serious: At what point does it become categorized as sexual abuse?

I know this isn’t the most festive entry, but, it really bothered me and I hope that that if I can prevent just one inappropriate breastfeeding (IB), my holiday spirit of good doing will be quenched. So, my friends, if you know anyone who does this, stop them. I’ve dated a few guys that most likely suffered from IB due to their tell-tale behaviors of staring at every other woman’s breasts, oral fixations and weird no-boundary, Angelia-Jolie-brother-esque relationships with their mothers. And, my loves, I do not wish that upon anyone – except maybe Lindsay Lohan because she really bugs me.

Now I must go stare at the Christmas tree for a few hours and down some eggnog to get the sugar plums dancing in my head again.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Hugs and kisses.