Why some women PISS ME OFF
I had the unfortunate pleasure yesterday of reading an article on MSN called: "Why I hate the Holidays" (http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=5381&menuid=6&lid=429). I was so furious by the end of the article that I couldn't help but bring it up to all of you today. Apparently, it is written by the most insecure, whiny and pathetic woman in the world, aka: Anna David. This "Hollywood-based sex and relationship columnist" should be forced to live on an deserted island by herself with no outside contact to the rest of the world so that she doesn't ruin any one else's life. She should be ashamed and let me give you a quick review of why SHE SUCKS. (You may want to read the article first before I get into it. Put your barf bag within reach.)
Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to respond to her, point for point (Anna will be in brown, like crap, and I will, as always respond in purple) and explain why her thinking is completely needy, neurotic and, a disgrace to the female species. Hold onto your hats, people. Little Anna is about to get herself a serious Rachel ass-kicking.
1. There's no one to assure me that I'm not fat after I inhale the entire plate of chocolate chip cookies/box of truffles/foil-wrapped Santa. YOU ARE FAT. You are FAT FAT FAT and you're not going to find a single person (male or female) that will assure you that you're not. Get outside and off your fat ass, yowhinyey piece of garbage.
2. Since I have no date for the office Christmas party, I get stuck talking to the most socially awkward person there. The reason you have no date is because you are apparently talking to yourself. Get out there, you freak. Hire a date, I don't care, just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get drunk, make an ass out of yourself, dance like Elaine in Seinfeld and I guarantee you'll have a good time date or no date. Dates are overrated, anyway - they keep you from hitting on the hottie bartenders.
3. The long lines and bumper-to-bumper traffic feel like a whole lot more work than they did when I had a boyfriend. Two words: ONLINE SHOPPING. Or, God forbid, you go shopping with friends and be social. PS: No wonder you're single - you make your boyfriends scarves. What are you, their mom? Freak.
4. My Âholiday spirit runs unfettered. What "holiday spirit"? You obviously don't have any. The holidays are the best time of the year with FAMILY AND FRIENDS (remember them you pathetic piece of trash?). Men just sit around, fart and drink beer at the holidays. They don't give a crap about your cookies - and by the way, you think those "several hundred winks and leers" were at you, but, they weren't. I was standing behind you with my girlfriends toasting good times with some seriously spiked eggnog. They were winking at us, not you.
5. Having to answer the infamous ÂWho are you seeing now? queries from random relatives. They are referring to which shrink you are seeing. They know no man wants to see you on a personal level. You are D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. They may be "random relatives" but they're not dumb.
6. New YearÂs Eve. Midnight. Who the hell actually remembers midnight on New Year's Eve? Start drinking early and you won't have to fret. Kiss you girlfriend for god's sake. Do that, and you might actually have a male date next time.
This article was truly eye opening for me. It actually had the opposite effect on me than I think Little Miss Desperation wanted it to have. It made me feel great that I am not a pathetic, pessimistic, boring, inswiny, whiny, neurotic FREAK (ok, maybe neurotic, but, in a fun way). I'm disgusted that this woman writes for publications like Playboy and Razor. There is nothing about her attitude that any decent man would find even remotely appealing - unless of course, you live in the 1950s. I wonder why she didn't tell us to don poodle skirts too, while we were at it.
If anyone knows, MISS (most likely permanently) Anna David, tell her to quit giving strong, single females a bad name and switch shrinks, get out there, stop eating bon bons by the box and cause some trouble. For the love of God.
PS: I copied the MSN Dating and Personals editorial department with this. Hopefully it'll knock some sense into them and make them more responsible for the crap that they publish.
Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to respond to her, point for point (Anna will be in brown, like crap, and I will, as always respond in purple) and explain why her thinking is completely needy, neurotic and, a disgrace to the female species. Hold onto your hats, people. Little Anna is about to get herself a serious Rachel ass-kicking.
1. There's no one to assure me that I'm not fat after I inhale the entire plate of chocolate chip cookies/box of truffles/foil-wrapped Santa. YOU ARE FAT. You are FAT FAT FAT and you're not going to find a single person (male or female) that will assure you that you're not. Get outside and off your fat ass, yowhinyey piece of garbage.
2. Since I have no date for the office Christmas party, I get stuck talking to the most socially awkward person there. The reason you have no date is because you are apparently talking to yourself. Get out there, you freak. Hire a date, I don't care, just stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get drunk, make an ass out of yourself, dance like Elaine in Seinfeld and I guarantee you'll have a good time date or no date. Dates are overrated, anyway - they keep you from hitting on the hottie bartenders.
3. The long lines and bumper-to-bumper traffic feel like a whole lot more work than they did when I had a boyfriend. Two words: ONLINE SHOPPING. Or, God forbid, you go shopping with friends and be social. PS: No wonder you're single - you make your boyfriends scarves. What are you, their mom? Freak.
4. My Âholiday spirit runs unfettered. What "holiday spirit"? You obviously don't have any. The holidays are the best time of the year with FAMILY AND FRIENDS (remember them you pathetic piece of trash?). Men just sit around, fart and drink beer at the holidays. They don't give a crap about your cookies - and by the way, you think those "several hundred winks and leers" were at you, but, they weren't. I was standing behind you with my girlfriends toasting good times with some seriously spiked eggnog. They were winking at us, not you.
5. Having to answer the infamous ÂWho are you seeing now? queries from random relatives. They are referring to which shrink you are seeing. They know no man wants to see you on a personal level. You are D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E. They may be "random relatives" but they're not dumb.
6. New YearÂs Eve. Midnight. Who the hell actually remembers midnight on New Year's Eve? Start drinking early and you won't have to fret. Kiss you girlfriend for god's sake. Do that, and you might actually have a male date next time.
This article was truly eye opening for me. It actually had the opposite effect on me than I think Little Miss Desperation wanted it to have. It made me feel great that I am not a pathetic, pessimistic, boring, inswiny, whiny, neurotic FREAK (ok, maybe neurotic, but, in a fun way). I'm disgusted that this woman writes for publications like Playboy and Razor. There is nothing about her attitude that any decent man would find even remotely appealing - unless of course, you live in the 1950s. I wonder why she didn't tell us to don poodle skirts too, while we were at it.
If anyone knows, MISS (most likely permanently) Anna David, tell her to quit giving strong, single females a bad name and switch shrinks, get out there, stop eating bon bons by the box and cause some trouble. For the love of God.
PS: I copied the MSN Dating and Personals editorial department with this. Hopefully it'll knock some sense into them and make them more responsible for the crap that they publish.
posted by Rach2LA @ 9:49 AM
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