Rachel in Wonderland

I've been hit on by lots of different people in my time. That doesn't make me a hottie - it just makes me female. It's a fact. Females get hit on 86% more then men (ok - I made that up, but, I bet I'm close). Anyway, back to the point at hand. I've been hit on by a variety of men (and women) in my time, but, I'm pretty sure that this morning took the taco.

My new thing lately is to stroll Cameron down by the ocean because now that all the crazy tourists have gone home, I can walk him down there without being trampled. Plus, it's a longer walk then our usual, and I'm kicking it up a notch to get rid of the giant ass (in case you forgot). Anywhosits, every morning has been pretty normal. A bunch of people running, rollerblading, the usual. I get heckled by some homeless individuals, but, that's just par for the course. But this morning was a whole different course.

Immediately upon hitting the beach area, I was accosted by a flock of seagulls (not the 80s music group). After dodging the flying toilets, as I like to call them, and the "birds" moment had passed, I counted my blessings that both Cameron and I made it out "poop free".

We continued along on our stroll and as we approached the boardwalk, I felt like someone was approaching us from behind. Figuring that it was just a dork-walker (those power walkers) or such, I pulled it over to let them pass. But when I did I heard a booming voice from above, and it wasn't God. "You walk down here often?" is what I heard. When I turned around and looked up I realized that it was really happening. I was being hit on by a man in stilts. YES. STILTS. He was actually quite normal looking and was casually sipping on a cup of Starbucks coffee, but he was wearing STILTS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THE MAN WAS HITTING ON ME WEARING STILTS AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING?! I turned UP to him and said, "Yes I do. Do you ever wear regular shoes?" He looked at me rather curiously - like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then he said it, "Well, maybe we could have coffee." Silence. How the hell do you respond to something like that? What I wanted to say was, "Sure. Let me run home and throw on my stilts and we'll do coffee." Unfortunately what came out was, "That's sweet, but I'm late for work. Enjoy your walk....thing." Unbelievable.

When we finally hit our street, and I thought we were in the clear from circus freaks and such I heard, "Hare Krishna pretty lady!!" (Should have saw it coming. After all, I was walking by the HK temple.) The friendly greeting then became a serenade. By three of them. I HAD THREE HARE KRISHNAS SERENADING ME IN THEIR PINK ROBES. Oh my God. (No pun intended.) I quickly threw a smile and began to sprint home and out of Wonderland.

All I needed to complete my morning was the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat. Good grief. As I've said, so many times before: ONLY IN LA.