Digital Getting To Know You

Every once in a while, I get in my email inbox a "getting to know you" email. You've seen them. They have a bunch of random-ass questions on them and you have to read what is already written and then copy/paste and fill in your own answers and continue sending it out to further kill the productivity level in the United States. As a virus, I sent my answers to some Europeans. We're not going to be the only society to suffer!

Because I think these things are so ridiculous, yet, I can't help but answer, I thought I'd take the liberty of letting you get a glimpse into how I think (in case you can't figure it out yet). These are the honest-to-God answers that I wrote when my friend Dana sent me a "getting to know you" today.

Here goes – talk about procrastination:

If you have time, copy, paste, fill it out and returnit to me! Do not forward
1. First name: Rachel (if you didn’t already know that, I shouldn’t be on your email list)
2. Were you named after anyone? Some chick in the Bible – I think she was a prostitute or something
3. Do you wish on stars? Unfortunately – and sometimes airplanes since I’m not smart enough to tell the difference
4. When did you last cry? Bad subject
5. Do you like your handwriting? yes
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? cheese
7. What is your birth date? October 30th (for those of you who may have forgotten)
8. What is your most favorite album/CD? A mix I made for our last trip to Vegas – the “Kick Ass Mix”
9. Favorite Jewelry not counting wedding/engagementring and why? Bitches! I don’t have a wedding OR engagement ring!! Thanks for rubbing it in. Therefore, I love my “I’m Single” cubic zirconia ring I wear on my right hand because Vogue told me to.
10. Do you have a journal? Yup – therapist-mandated
11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Never
12. What are your nicknames? Ho Bag, Bitch, Rach, Smelly Cat
13. Would you bungee jump? Already did
14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Manolos don’t come with laces.
15. Do you think that you are strong? Which way is the weight room?
16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry
17. Shoe Size? 8 ish
18. Red or pink? Um – HELLLLLOOOOO?
19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Currently? My fat rolls that appeared while laying out by the pool yesterday.
20. What do you like most about yourself? I’m thoughtful and sometimes kind of amusing.
21. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back? Yes – I encourage procrastination
22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? White hipsters, pink top and pink Pumas (not laces, by the way)
23. What are you listening to right now? Deathcab for Cutie – I just finished listening to Tiffany – yes, Tiffany.
24. Last thing you ate? A sweet potato
25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? PINK
26. What is the weather like right now? 85 and Sunny – gotta love So Cal!
27. Last person you talked to on the phone? Kirsten
28.The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Whether or not he has man boobs - ewe
29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? She’ll do. ;)
30. Favorite Drink? Wine – current favorite is Charles Shaw Shiraz ($2 Chuck – AWESOME) – what’s nonalcoholic?
32. Hair Color? Where the hell did #31 go?
33. Eye Color? Blue
34. Do you wear contacts? Yes – mandated by the DMV - until I can find a sugar daddy to get my the lasik surgery
35. Favorite Food? Anything with fat and salt
36. Last Movie You Watched? The Ring Two - GAY
37. Favorite Day of the Year? New Years Day – clean slate
38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? What kind of “happy endings”?
39. Summer or winter? Summer
40. Hugs Or Kisses? Kisses
41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Another meal
42. Who is Most Likely To Respond? No one
43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Everyone
44. What Books Are You Reading? “They Call It A Breakup Because It’s Broken” – speaks for itself
45. What's On Your Mouse Pad? The Los Angeles Airport – never looked at it before – that’s ugly!
46. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? THE RING TWO – you already asked me!
47. Favorite Smells? New Leather shoes
48. Favorite Sounds? Cracking open a new shoe box
49. Rolling Stones or Beatles? The Beatles because they wrote “Hey Jude” for my mom – or so we tell her.
50. What's the farthest you've been from home? I’m 3,000 miles from home right now – let’s just leave it at that.
51. Who sent this to you? Melissa “the mom”