Human Pin Cushion

Due to my busted nature, I decided to get a little crazy yesterday and go get some acupuncture for my back. I've been considering it for a while, but, I finally jumped feet first into becoming a human pin cushion.

I kind of figured that a 5,000-year-old medicinal practice had to have some validity. Prior to being poked and prodded (medically - ha ha) I like to research procedures and have an idea of what I'm getting myself into (maybe I should try that with my personal life!). Unfortunately, as my wise mother pointed out (a professor of alternative medicine), there is little documented research in the US because all the research is performed by the drug company bitches and The Man is trying to hold alternative medicine down so the he can continue to purchase private islands in the Pacific (ok - maybe I added a little commentary on my own). So, in I went yesterday to a recommended acupuncturist in Santa Monica.

Once in the room, I didn't want to see the needles, although she mentioned that 20 of the acupuncture needles could fit into the head of a regular hypodermic needle - ok, not so bad.
The pins didn't hurt going in - although I probably winced each time just for effect. By the time she was finished sticking me, I had at least 20 needles sticking out of me from head to toe. She then left me there to "relax" for 15 minutes. I have to admit, it's a little difficult to relax when you have pins sticking out of your ears but I managed. Although I started to stress out a bit when I raised my head a bit to make sure the tissue under my face wasn't going to give me one of those facial crease lines that take hours to go away, and one of the pins popped out of my ear. Oops.

When she finally came back in (I didn't tell her about the wounded soldier that I'd been staring at on the ground since it flew out), she removed the remaining needles and each time, I could actually feel twinges of energy and movement in each spot - kind of cool.

She then showed me two glass cups and let me know that she was going to do "cupping" on my lower back. All I asked of her was to not let me look like Gwenyth Paltrow when she had her's done with giant circles all over her neck and back. The cupping felt like an inverse deep tissue massage and was not comfortable, BUT did get the blood flowing in all the right places. When she pulled the suctioned cups off, it made that sound that reminded me of when my friend in middle school sucked a yogurt cup to her face and then pulled it off - leaving her with a purple circle around her mouth.

When I finally stood up I could tell that the swelling and pain in my back was substantially reduced - I almost did a cartwheel, although, I elected not to, considering I'd just throw my back out again.

SO, I am happy to say that I will NOT need the jazzy to transport me around this weekend and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to get back out there and give my Tivo a rest.

Cheers to the Chinese - they definitely knew what they were doing. Being a human porcupine is something that I will continue to pursue considering not even my extra-strength vicadin could give me results as positive as what this experience did.

As Confucius once say, "Pin in ass helps pain in head" or was it "Pin in head help pain in ass"? :)