Storm Watch: 2005

I swear, the moment a single droplet of rain lands on Southern California land, all the television and radio channels turn into perpetual Chicken Littles. I woke up this morning to the TV morning show with the flashing headline: STORM WATCH LA: 2005. Give me a break, will ya? It's rain. Those of us that have not had extensive plastic surgery will NOT melt - I promise.

I thank my lucky stars each and everyday that it rains that I work 3.4 miles from my house. Why, you ask? Because not only does the Emergency Broadcast system go into effect when it drizzles, but, everyone apparently gets crazy glue stuck to the bottoms of their braking foot. It's always a great idea, people, to be cruising at 40mph on a freeway and then for no known reason, you slam on your brakes. Are you just checking to make sure they're still there? Because they are. And because of them, I'm gonna ram into the back of your E Series, you stupid So Cal driver.

I learned to drive in Buffalo - in snow, sleet and ice (since that's all that's there). I am like the USPS of drivers. I have the solid ability to drive in varying driving conditions - AND I do not freak out. Here - as soon as the sky starts to spit, people pop their Prozac and turn into instant driving idiots. But the mass panic, as I pointed out before, is generally brought on by the stellar media stations of the greater Los Angeles area. Our fabulous weather men including Johnny Mountain and Dallas Raines (I AM NOT MAKING THOSE UP) are so worried about the schlack in their hair that they instill panic and chaos in all those who watch their irresponsible "STORM WATCH DOPPLER 6,000" or whatever it's called.

It's Hollywood - drama seeps into our weather too. You just can't escape it.

I am seriously considering putting rubber bumpers on my car so when people slam into me, they will just bounce off and bump into someone else. It may not look hot, but, damn it, it's practical for this town.

So, off I go to check to make sure that Cameron is not a wet washcloth of a dog because I left the back door open - which is horrible, considering he is facing "STORM WATCH 2005" on his own. I wonder if they will be advising the construction of arcs tonight on the news - I'll keep you posted.