Jury Doody

Greetings from the Los Angeles Superior Courthouse. No, I was not arrested, and no, I am not here for a speeding tickets. I am here following through on my responsibility as an American citizen to complete my jury service. What that really means is, here I sit, staring at a wall, and some interesting people, hoping to God that the lady behind the glass wall doesn't call my name.

I've made it through the first half of the day without being subject to the inside of a courtroom. Let's hope that my luck continues. But, I mean, come on. Who doesn't love jury duty on a Friday? Ugh. Of course, being the little pepball that I am, I'm trying to make the best of it. I already finished one book and now I am cruising the Internet and writing to you, because I paid my $4 for one hour of computer use. Boy, thanks. Can you believe that it isn't free? Crappy coffee, no pay, no mileage reimbursement and I have to pay $4 to not die of boredom. Ah, the American way: Get nothing for free.

The first hour of our quarantine was spent listening to the "orientation". The orientation was then followed by approximately 45 minutes solid of the dumbest questions on Earth. Now, I have been told by numerous people throughout my life that, "There is no such thing as a dumb question." I beg to differ. The jury warden (that's what I'm calling her) clearly stated the following: "If you have ANY kind of commitment in the next 7-10 business days, please take a postponement slip and fill it out and you are excused. That includes anything that you must attend in the next 7-10 business days." Clear, yes?

Not for some. Here are just two of the questions that followed that statement:

Dingbat #1: "I have a doctor's appointment on Monday at 8:15 am. What should I do?" The warden responded calmly with, "Take a postponement slip if you want to go to the appointment." What I would have said is, "Don't bother. You are so stupid, you're doctor can't do anything for you. Sit and stare at the wall some more."

Dingbat #2: "Do we have to work tomorrow? (Um, Saturday.)" Warden: "No, we are only open Monday through Friday." What I would have said? "Yes. Be here at 7 am and wait in the parking lot until someone comes out to get you."

Honestly, you just have to wonder. The scariest thing is, God forbid I ever did something wrong and got caught (hee hee), because these boobs would be in charge of my fate. It chills me to just think of it. That, alone, is deterrent to never ever break the law - again.

Well, I'm down to 28 minutes on my $4 computer rental, and I haven't checked the sports scores or the progress of Hurricane Rita, or my current bids on Ebay, so, I better run.

It's good to be an American.

PS: This damn thing has a pop up blocker so it won't let me spellcheck. Unfortunately, some of the "intellectuals" in the room may have rubbed off on my via osmosis, so pardon any spelling errors.