Postcards from the East

Well, I made it back to Buffalo, once again, in one piece. The airplane trip back was fairly uneventful, which was appreciated since I had my dog in tow. Luckily, I got him really stoned on some doggie downers before we left and he was out for the duration. I think I should try some of those myself on the way home!!

Only two minor incidents. First, some douchebag at either LAX or Cincinatti airport decided to help him/herself to my brand spanking new iTrip that I had hidden in my check-in luggage. Bitches. I called Delta to let them know and they basically told me to take a long walk off a short pier. How rude. So, somewhere out there some buttplug is rolling around in their Ford Escort jamming out to someone else's stolen iPod on my iTrip. Unbelievable.

I'm thinking it most likely happened in Cincinatti because that's where I also had a small run-in with some crazy lady (perhaps on doggie speed) who thought that I was carrying around a two-year old CHILD in my pet carrier. I said, "Yes, people always carry their children in enclosed duffle bag-like carriers. Didn't you know that?" Then, she, for whatever reason, began singing the theme song to Gilligan's Island. Of course, not knowing how close she and Bob Denver (Gilligan) were, I made the dramatic mistake of breaking the news to her that he had passed. She literally began wailing and yelling, "OH GOD NO!!" But, within a matter of moments, her grief passed and she wanted to play the "who else died" game, which is always such a hit at airport terminals at midnight. I left her with Chris Farley dying while excizing his rights to cocaine and prostitutes and she just wasn't having me or my bagged kid anymore. Gets 'em everytime.

Since returning home I've enjoyed some family time and a great rehearsal dinner last night on the lake (yes, we have H2O here in Buffalo) where I got to watch my best friend from high school, an attorney, battle one of the bride's friends from college. I'm sure it's all in good fun, but, it was awesome to watch. I especially liked the part when the college friend shoved her finger in the cake centerpiece and said, "What? I can eat with my fingers. I'm in Buffalo." I thought my girlfriend was going to jump out of her seat and sick her, but, instead she just calmly said, "Yes, we don't own silverware here in Buffalo." That corked her for a while. 'Atta girl. I love weddings.

So, tonight is the ceremony and reception. I learned the traditional Jewish dance last night, so, I'll be ready to roll tonight and impress everyone with my multi-cultural dancing skills. Should be a beautiful evening. I just hope my dress fits. Uh oh. If not, I'll be forced to go to a black tie reception in my pajamas or bikini. I better go figure that out.

Mozzletof!