The Love Boat, Exciting & New, Climb Aboard, We're Expecting You

Ahhhhh, what can I say? Other then the cruise was, well, BITCHIN'!! (Or "dreamy" for you prudes out there.) We had a truly amazing time and I have to admit that I probably put on 5 lbs. from the ridiculous amounts of booze and food consumed on our 4-day voyage. I swear, that's ALL you do all day - apparently, cruises are about one thing - GLUTTONY. And long live that!!

The weather was perfect, no one got sea sick (well at least not from the boat rocking), we met some really great people and just had a virtually perfect time. We spent most of our time out by the pool and at the on-board bars just people watching. It's amazing how bizarre and out of control people can be when they are bound by the safety of international waters, no driving, and the idea that "I'll never see any of these people again in my life". We saw it all, including a Wesley Snipes look-alike, an 80-year-old dancing machine, and lots and lots and lots of drunk people. I'm also shocked that more people don't fall overboard. I came pretty dang close a time or two in my Manolo's. See, 4-inch heels, a rocking boat, and tequila shots do NOT equal a safe walk by the deck railings. Luckily, I had a big strong, strapping, hot man to keep me safe. WAHOO.

Now, please don't get me wrong. I still managed to pull some "Rachel-esque" stunts and I always manage to attract the weirdos, but, it was all in good fun. First, there was the 70-year old mostly-deaf man named Simon who was AWESOME, but, a wee-bit pervy. In fact, I should consider myself lucky because he invited me to be his girlfriend. My response (since no one came to my rescue - they all just sat back and laughed) was, "Well, I would but I already have four and that's my max. But if one drops out, I'll definitely put you in for the running." I think it worked because I escaped unscathed with just a few hand kisses and a lot of laughs. He even wore his pajama pants to dinner one night - just for me. Wow. I'm so lucky.

Now, the most Rachel-esque evening was the second evening, which was also the formal night. So, there we were. All dressed up with only 2 decks to go. After the free champagne reception, dinner, and the "Under the Stars" party (including a plethora of tequila shots), I took a spill down the stairs (just two, though, thank goodness - AND the Manolos were not injured). Still rather embarassing when I was strutting to impress. But that's not the worst part. I guess the 6th shot of tequila just wasn't sitting well with my steak dinner and hours of dancing and I, gulp, threw up like a human freakin' geyser AT the pool and ON my date and his suit and my dress. O, now, that's HOT. Luckily, for me, no one saw except him and he quickly got me out of there, and he was laughing with me not at me (or so he says), so that made me feel better. But it was really gross and rather mortifying. Then, to put the icing on the cake, when he was tucking me into bed, I tapped him on the shoulder and said and I quote, "BS (I used his real name, don't worry), I'm going to tell you a secret. The day after we went on our first date, I told my mom that I was going to marry you." AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. At what point was that EVER a good idea to me?!?! Luckily, I passed out before I saw his reaction. But he didn't jump from the ship, and was still speaking to me in the morning, so, that's a positive sign. There was no mention of that whatsoever. So, I'm banking on the fact that the shots will end up being a positive thing for me (after causing me such ego trauma), and he won't remember "the secret". I know, you're all rolling your eyes and thinking, "Aye, Rachel." Sorry. I am what I am. And that's why you all love me.

The rest of the weekend was packed with Mr. Sexy Legs competitions, Bellyflop competitions, Pina Coladas, bad dancing (not by us, of course - after all, he IS Boot Scoot), karaoke (yup - I blew everyone away with my mad skills), more tequila shots, and a whole lot of food, and more tequila shots.

I must say that it was the best trip I've ever taken with a guy. Not only is he sweet, funny, smart, easy on the eyes, but he is also a GENTLEMAN and ROMANTIC. It's been a long time since I've used those words to describe an actual, breathing, blinking, conscious man. And, I have to say, my faith in men may have been a bit rejuventated this weekend. Let's just say this: Boot Scoot IS #1. And, tomorrow (hopefully) I'll post some pictures. And if you're lucky, maybe I'll even post one revealing his face.....keep your fingers crossed!!!