To Give or Not to Give....

That is the question this time of year – particularly when you’re in the early dating stages of a relationship (i.e., those who haven’t had the “us” talk yet). Luckily, for me, this is Charlie and my second Christmas “together” so I know for a fact I have to buy – ahhh, for once, no dilemma for me.

But I was reminded of this dating torture last night when I was playing swap-the-gifts with K. She has recently started semi-dating this dude – I say “semi-dating” because he lives 2 hours away so it’s hard to be full-on dating someone when you’re in different counties/zip codes/area codes. Anywho, when he came up this week on his way back to the east coast for and remarked, “Oh shoot. I was going to bring you a card, but I forgot.”

Her internal remark? “Oh shoot. What the hell was I going to do with a card, you moron?”

Then she realized that during her holiday shopping binge, it hadn’t even crossed her mind to buy him anything. Why is that? We can share a bed but when it comes to Christmas, that’s just too intimate?

Who decides when it and what is appropriate for gifts given over the holidays for the “in the grey” couples? You don’t want to be the girl (ahem) who goes all out for your first Christmas “together” only to have it reciprocated with nothing, nada, bupkus. That just sucks.

I wanted to explore this concept overall, and there was nothing I could find online, so I got various opinions from people I know on what constitutes the unsaid rules of dating gifts. After completing my research, here is what I found as the general rule-of-thumb top 5 hints (mom – these were not all from my brain, so don’t give me a hard time):

1. Always get a little something for the other person...that way, if they don’t get you anything, you can milk the guilt for an upgrade in the New Year. And if they do, you’re in the clear.

2. Dating gifts should NOT be too personable. You don’t know someone that well yet (you’re still “just dating”), so, for example, if you take the chance to buy someone something to wear and it’s too small, they will be forced to become bulimic since you have set unachievable standards for them in month two. If it is too small, they will become obsessed why their “bits” are too small. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

3. You obligate people to wear or display the shit you buy them for the duration of dating, especially if they do not reciprocate with a present. They must maintain this until they give you something – no matter how much they hate it.

4. Do not spend too much on a dating gift. Because then you will expect the same. And if you don’t get it, you just gave up your “pants” in the relationship. You have become their bitch.

5. If you have seen the other person naked and/or they have seen you naked more than once and sober, you are obligated to swap gifts at Christmas. If neither of the above apply, and you are not a born-again Christian, then spend your money on your friends.

6. Acceptable gifts: anything edible (really, anything.), DVDs, CDs, iTunes gift certificate, porn (ha ha – kidding. Kinda.), booze, bar paraphernalia, concert tickets, spa accessories, bongs (wow - I'm on a roll), stationary, books, etc.

7. Gifts to STAY AWAY from: appliances, clothing, anything that can be construed as jewelry, photographs, anything monographed, anything that is living, office supplies, beanie babies, creepy santa clowns covered in peppermints (still freaky), snow globes, crabs (sorry - had to say it), Nutraslim, etc.

I hope this helps some of you who are suffering with this dilemma and if not, tough shit.

Merry Christmas!!