Stuart Rachel Smalley

Sometimes, I get really aggravated with the female population.

I understand that women are genetically more emotional then men. Fine. But why is it that everytime we, as women, go through a breakup or some sort of male-related rejection, our self-worth and self-image takes a real dive. And I'm talking about a Greg-Louganis-bash-your-head-on-the-diving-board dive. We look miserable, feel miserable and think we're the ugliest, fattest people on the face of the earth. All because one man didn't love us for the kick-ass chicks that we are.

Why does a woman's self-worth get defined through men?

Think about it. We base our self-worth on a species that not only finds constant entertainment in farts and boobs, but they are also incapable of asking directions, watch intelligent movies and god forbid they pick their dirty underwear off the bedroom floor.

How does it happen? I am the same person I was two days ago. I look exactly the same (eyes a tad puffy, but, nothing some cucumbers and a day at the spa can't help), I sound the same, I walk the same - I am the same; I just have one less person in my life. But for some reason, I feel like I've gained 500 lbs, hate my hair, think one leg is longer then the other so I walk with a limp and I can't stop staring at the scar on my right shin. And I'm not the only one. My other two "breakup buddies" are doing the same thing to themselves. It's really rather disgusting and completely irrational. Shame on us.

My self-worth is NOT going to be defined by a person who pees standing up. We don't need their approval or anyone else's approval to define who we are and what we are. Because? Let's all say it together now: WE ARE WOMEN. HEAR US ROAR. (I really love that saying, as you can tell.)

The harsh truth is that men, for once, have the right idea. They could honestly give a rat's ass about how we feel about them. Their self-worth and self-love is all theirs. In their eyes, they are all god's gifts to women and they are completely in love with themselves. If we reject them, it's our loss in their eyes. It's so simple, yet, we, as a gender, continue to focus completely on the love and acceptance of the men in our lives. (Well, except maybe lesbians - I don't think they care what men think about them. And I'm not sure about bi-sexuals. I'm still a little blurry on them.) And it needs to stop. We need to take a hint from the farting, belching, ESPN-watching, stripclub going-toers people that we know as men.

So, I'm pledging to you, and dur, myself, that I'm not going to allow that to happen. Not this time. I'm going to pamper the hell out of myself and treat myself like royalty and make sure that my self-worth goes up v. down. Because, really, I'm pretty damn cute, smart and gosh darn it, people like me.

I'm taking a stand. I'm joining the lesbians (in thought - not literally). I am not going to allow myself to take a punch in the gut from someone who grows back hair. Not this time. And hopefully, my breakup buddies and the rest of the female gender will follow in my stiletto steps. We owe it to ourselves.

Now excuse me while I go and look in the mirror and do self-affirmations.