One Eyed Grace

I must say that for someone that can run a 100-yard sprint in 4" heels, I am a world-class klutz. In the past 24 hours in Florida, I've managed to fall on my head, scratch my cornea AND throw out my back - way hot, eh? Oh, and this is me sober. Hence, my nickname - Grace.

Yesterday the fam and I decided to go parasailing. We had to go two at a time and Mom wasn't up to the challenge, so, my sister and I went up together. After I screamed bloody murder, convinced myself that my harness was going to break when we were 800 feet in the air, and made my hands turn purple from gripping the parachute so tight, I was able to enjoy the view for a good, solid, 6-7 minutes before I was brought back down to safety - or so I thought. As a joke, my sister and I decided to pose in front of the "Clothing Optional" sign on the boat while two other suckers got sucked into the air. But for some reason, while trying to pose "sexy" in front of the sign, I took a tumble off the front of the boat and fell head first into a sea of life vests. After flopping around like a fish on the floor of the boat for a few I was able to get in a good chuckle with the rest of my family and beg for a beer.

After surviving the parasail and the tumble we walked back to the condo, where, the whole way, my eye was watering and I kept rubbing it because it's only natural to rub your eye when it waters - genius. While rubbing, I must have managed to scratch the crap out of my cornea. I am now writing to you with a patch over my right eye. Awesome.

Finally, to add insult to injury - quite literally - I threw out my back while laughing hysterically at my mom who, for such a brilliant woman, can really make some fizzy-head comments. Because I was sworn to secrecy not to tell you what she said, I'll just leave it at the idea that you can not laugh hysterically while carrying a case of beer. When you leave over to keep from peeing your pants, you throw out your back.

So here I sit. I'm a cyclops with a goose egg on my noggen and I walk like an old lady. H-O-T. BUT, I spent the day relaxing by the pool to the sounds of the waves hitting the shore with a GIANT Bacardi and Diet Coke for the pain. What were all of you doing?

Tonight my sister, brother and I are going to try and steal the surfboard at the restaurant we ate at last night. This condo needs some decoration. Let's pray I don't break any bones!

GO TEXAS!