Misery Loves Company

Well, it's official. I am back on the market again - and this time it's a permanent separation from Charlie. After Screamoff 2006 last night (which I will spare you the gory details of) we have decided to go our own separate ways. Unfortunately, living in the same tiny area of LA, and hanging with the same people, "separate" is few and far between.

I often question why the people we are always hurt the most by the people we love. Isn't that back asswards? Shouldn't we get hurt by the people we hate the most? Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways? Those are all questions that will forever go unanswered. True wonders of the world.

I come to you with my quick wit and humor, but, it's actually quite painful. If I had balls, and somebody kicked me in them, it would probably feel like this. But I don't. So, my scratched cornea healed just in time to swell up from the tears of love (puke).

Love hurts. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. If it's meant to be, it will be. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. C'est la vie. Live and learn. Weird. I read somewhere that cliches make you feel better. Or maybe it was shoes make you feel better.

But, like I said, misery LOVES company. As fate would have it, two of my best friends have also been put "back on the market" in the past week. Although I would never wish this on my worst enemy (ok, maybe Angelina Jolie), it's somewhat comforting being able to wallow together. But it does confirm my original belief that all men in the greater Venice Beach/Marina del Rey area SUCK. It's like the area is a man black hole. They go in men, but never come out men.

Last night, post Screamfest 2006, the three of us met up for margaritas and wallowed. It struck me as completely and utterly ridiculous that three, successful, funny, intelligent, attractive women were sitting around literally crying into our margaritas because we all felt the effects of the man black hole. With over 45 years of collective dating experience between the three of us, we have yet to find men that will love and respect us for who we are - genuinely and completely. It's like there's this overwhelming untapped female resource out there that men are just too blind or stupid to see. But as we sat there I had to ask - where are the three men we are looking for? Where are they crying into their margaritas? Or maybe they aren't out there. Maybe I'm searching for the male-margarita-crier-inner that isn't really there.

Steph responded to me that we have to maintain hope. No matter how much it hurts, it is that hope that keeps us from not giving up (or killing the men who put us through this). My margarita man will find me.

Since we were sharing an inspirational moment, I told them about a dream I had the other night because at first I just thought I was tripping on my sleeping pill, but, it really had a cool message.

I dreamt that I was on an airplane getting ready to take off. I was so excited to go where I was going - an adventure. Almost immediately after we took off, I heard the engines shut down. For a moment everything went still. Then I thought over and over in my head, "I'm going to die." I really felt like I was going to die. But the plane began to glide and we were over the freeway. We were falling but not fast. We ended up sliding down a hill on the side of the freeway that was covered in flowers - as far as I could see. The plane slid to a stop and I stepped out. "I'm not going to die after all" is what I began thinking. I stepped out of the plane and woke up.

I kid you not, this was my dream. And I didn't think much about it until last night after Screamfest 2006. But, as I shared with them, I found meaning in it.

Sometimes when you think you're going to die, life throws you another chance filled with ease and beauty.

So, another one bites the dust (throw in one more cliche). I'm going to go home tonight and wallow with a bubble bath, some wine, and a lot of angry chick music (i.e., Tori Amos, Avril Lavingne, Alannis Morrisette, Kelly Clarkson, etc). Then tomorrow I'm going to get up, hang out with my fellow wallowers, put our pieces back together and figure out a new path. We are women - hear us roar.

I just hope you can all wish us some luck.