Cut & Run

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those bad-ass chicks who don’t give a flying bird terd about anything but themselves. The world is their oyster and if you’re not on the ride with them you might as well not even exist. It’s so simple.

But, that obviously is not in my character. And to be honest, I remind myself that it’s probably a pretty empty existence.

Believe it or not, my parents not only raised me with morals (yes, I said the “m” word) but also with a strong belief in empathy. And although, at times, it’s been a great trait to possess, sometimes it also kicks me in the ass – hard and with heels. I would never classify myself as a push-over because that, too, is not in my nature. I’ll be more than happy to tell you where to shove it, but, sometimes I definitely have the tendency to focus more on resolving other people’s problems and issues then my own. (And yes, I am laying on a leather couch right now.)

So with that in mind, I realized that sometimes, in relationships, it's better to just cut and run. For the past two weeks since Screamoff 2006, I've been receiving random phonecalls from Charlie, but, of course, none requesting that we sit down and discuss the situation like adults. God forbid we do that. Instead, he enjoys calling to say that he's "not doing well". Um, thanks. What f-ing point does calling to say "I'm not doing well" have besides, of course, doing the finger dance. NO FINGER DANCE (see prior blogs). Not this time.

Now, after two weeks of crying into my Special K, occupying the crud out of myself, making out with a cute new boy, etc, he thinks that I'll turn my focus back on him and his mysterious illnesses. Everytime he calls it's a total and utter buzzkill. And it's a cycle of selfishness that can't seem to be broken. But the worst part is, I admit that I worry. Blech.

I sit back and watch friends go through it. They talk and talk and talk and revisit the breakup, but nothing gets resolved and nothing ever changes. And I see the pain and distress it causes. So why bother? If action (not just words) isn't taken within the first week, what's the point? Life is too short. No one is going to change - move on.

So, I offer my own solution - one that may only work for me (so kids, don't try this at home - I am a professional breaker-upper with ample adult supervision). And that is CUT AND RUN. Charlie and I made the "cut" over two weeks ago, and now, after the healing process has begun and the one week "calm down" period has been and gone, I will continue to run - in the opposite direction. That is forward, not backward.

Think about it. Is there really anything left to say that could/would be constructive or advantageous in any way, shape or form to me? Spending time rehashing over a broken relationship just doesn't seem like what I need. And guess what? I'm the boss of me.

In the words of Matchbox 20: "It's not enough just to be sorry. Don't think that I could take another talk about it."

Now where's that EC?