See Dick. See Dick Take Midol.

My friend Angie and I were talking today, and she posed the question: "What if men got PMS?" And I actually had to stop and think about it, because I really am fed up with the men in my life asking me "Oh, is it THAT time again?" everytime I bitch or snap. I am a WOMAN. I ALWAYS bitch and snap. And when it IS that time, the smartest thing for you to do, would to NEVER EVER ask that question to my face. And don't make the hand gestures either when you think I'm not looking. Pointing to your crotch and making the coo-coo signal only means that your penis is the size of a bird's.

So, here's some food for thought for the day: What IF men really got PMS?

The world would be a whole different place.

First of all, there would be functioning tampon machines in EVERY restroom and those little vending machines in bars. We would also be able to run to the restroom without shoving the tampon into our sleeve or back of our pants to conceal it from co-workers. In fact, co-workers would just whip them to us.

"Cramps" would be a valid excuse to call in sick. In fact, I believe if men had PMS, every employee would get off 3 days a month to sniffle and whine at home about cramps, since it's a proven fact that men have less tolerance for pain than women. Instead of "Hungry Man" TV dinners, they would introduce "Bloated Man" TV dinners with diuretic-and-aspirin-infused Salisbury steaks.

Midol would have it's own line of alcoholic beverages, like, Midolweiser; and sports would see such events as the Playtex Bowl and the Stayfree 500. Derek Jeter would be selling tampons and John Elway would be schlepping maxipads. The industry would explode. Those "Mr. Wingman" commercials would be yanked off the air because they would cause men to burst out crying instead of laughing.

And, you KNOW that, eventually, men would brag about their PMS experiences. "Dude, my flow was heavier than yours," and "I can retain twice as much water as you can." PMS could actually become a competitive sport.

There would also be an incredible drop in population growth, as men would finally understand the true meaning of "I have a headache" and "I feel fat and bloated. I don't feel sexy." Beds would have the option of separating into two separate beds for "that time" because men would just want to ball up into the fetal position and grasp the concept of "get away from me".

These are just some examples of how the world would change. Also, according to a vast number of Republicans, since women can't be president because of their "emotional times", politics would be changed forever. Does this mean that men and women (in their eyes) would finally be on the same playing field? Or do they just think that the world would come to an end due to a PMS'ing president being exposed to one of those Hallmark movies and pressing the "end of the world" nuclear buttons? Hmmmm, interesting. I see some flaws in their theories, but, who am I to say?

So, the next time someone asks you if "Is it that time of the month again?" instead of bitch slapping them, just start to think how the world would be if men got PMS. It'll hopefully make you laugh and keep you out of jail for domestic abuse.......

I have to go take some Midol now.....