AARP

Sometimes it dawns on a person - Shit. I'm old.

Last night was one of those times for me.

I've often told people, including my therapist, that my biggest fear in life is that I grow old alone and end up being that crazy lady living with 100 cats. One day I will die of natural causes with my hair in rollers and my cats will feast on my face and when the neighbors finally find me two weeks later, half of me will be missing. Dramatic? I think so. But, hell, I know for a fact that I"m not the first 20-something, single woman in Southern California to think that. I just admit it - publicly.

Perhaps the "Shit. I'm old" thought came about because I was packing last night for my trip back home to Buffalo for one of my best friend's weddings this weekend. Interestingly enough, it's also the same weekend as our 10-Year High School Reunion. Ouch. So here I go, in my Prada shoes and Kate Spade purse, off to Buffalo to celebrate two VERY adult functions - alone. Ugh. Like a punch in the stomach. Kara is the first of my high school gang to make the leap. It's bizarre. I never really thought the day would come where my high school friends would be MARRIED and having BABIES. Dogs, yes. When they started buying houses, ok. But, marriage and kids? Stomach punch again. Now, this isn't to say that I'm not INCREDIBLY thrilled to be participating in this amazing day with a couple who could quite possibly be the cutest couple ever, but, packing up my coordinating wedding outfits (because you need one for the ceremony and one for the reception) and realizing that I was going to be one of THOSE chicks out on the dancefloor pummelling other women for a chance to touch the all-mighty wedding bouquet made me a little, well, thirsty. I went straight for the wine. And had two thoughts:

1. I don't HAVE to play "catch the bouquet". I have the option to race to the open bar and hide out there pretending I have a hearing problem and can't hear the grunts and screeches and thuds of all the dressed-up chicks hitting the floor. Instead, I CAN drink martinis in honor of the beautiful bride and groom and maintain complete dignity. My friend Angie mentioned to me last week that another option would be to change up the bouquet from flowers to a bouquet of poison ivy - that would be a hell of a laugh. But, we'll wait for our own weddings to do that one - Kara would KILL me.

2. What's so wrong with showing up alone - to either a reunion OR a wedding? It doesn't mean that I can't be a red hot sexy mamma in a great dress and great shoes enjoying my time with my friends. In fact, I'm going to convince myself and you that it's better. You don't have to worry about making an ass out of yourself in front of your date after a few dozen glasses of champagne. You can hit on all the eligible bachelors (as long as one of you "taken" friends agrees to monitor your progress, and doesn't allow you to start making out with Woody the buck-toothed midget). AND you can ALWAYS use the excuse that you're there alone because your boyfriend is "on location". It's not exactly a lie....my future boyfriend will be at an unknown location and unavailable to me (since I don't know who he is). Plus, with that, you can have the air of mystery - "Hmmm, was that HER I saw in People magazine last week with what's-his-bucket?". A well-thought out plan for sure.

But I'm still feeling old. I guess this feeling really should just be a learning experience and kickstart my couch-laying-on-staring-at-the-cellphone-waiting-for-it-to-ring ass into gear and get out there and enjoy the hell out of life and the pursuit of love.

So, I'm going to stay away from Botox this year. And I'll even admit my real age after my next birthday. But, I WILL go out this afternoon and buy some new shoes, because when you start to feel old, shop - with wine.

Watch out Buffalo, here I come.....