Viva Las Vegas - Well, Sorta

Sorry about leaving everyone in suspense. I know that you've all been clicking on the website wrought with anxiety about what "happened next". Unfortunately, I've been living out some new adventures am just now getting around to making an update - hey, don't hate the player. Hate the game.

So, let's do a quick wrap-up of the three "potentials" - Boot Scoot, Cruiser, and Joe.

Joe: Joe and I have traded some funny-ass text messages throughout the week. We missed each other in Vegas, which was fine, because, well, I'll get to that.....

Boot Scoot: ADORABLE. Went out with him Thursday night and not only is he incredibly attractive AND intelligent, but he is also goofy and seemingly sincere and a hell of a dancer. Yes, I accompanied him (after a few margaritas, as I had stated earlier) to one of those dance "clubs" where he proceeded to put on these weird black dance shoes (all the men were wearing them) and tear up the floor. I elected to not embarrass myself on the first date and hung out with Paco, the Mexican bartender wearing a cowboy hat. The dancing was actually quite incredible. Everyone was so smooth and they all new the right moves - kind of like a dance cult. Although, it was interesting. They weren't dancing to country music. It was like the two-step to Biggy Smalls and J-Lo. Go figure. Well, fast forward. BS had knee surgery on Friday and apparently it didn't go so well, so, my cowboy in dance shoes spent the weekend in the ICU and is now bed ridden for four weeks - seriously. That's just my luck. But, I agreed to bring him some soup or a candy bar or something. I dunno - what do you bring someone who is healing from knee surgery? Playboy? Anyway, I will definitely be seeing him again.

Cruiser: Very sweet guy but a TOTAL snooze and a half. I almost feel asleep in my beer while he was demonstrating how to compose music for tv shows. I guess it's a lot of "ba buuums" and other bizarre sound effects. Rock on with his badself, but, I'll be passing on a second date with Cruiser.

Charlie: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Charlie threw a fit Friday night when I didn't answer my phone and proceeded to call me over 30 times. When I finally spoke with him and alerted to him that I was in Vegas, it was like someone lit a fire under his ass. I guess men don't want the women they kick to the curb to do anything - ever. They should sit at home and watch movies and stare at their cell phones. Um, no. He threw a second fit last night when he saw me out with "the girls" having a blast. What is that all about? This whole concept of "I don't want her, but, I don't want anyone else to want her either" is d-u-m-b and incredibly selfish. Dumb and selfish - never met a man like that. (she writes with a facetious stroke) So the Charlie saga continues. Too bad he's half American so I can't have him deported. Damn those dual citizens. Pick a country, will ya?

So that's the "sausage" update as my girls Amy and Heather call it.

Vegas was a whole different adventure. Upon arriving in Vegas, my friend Gaybird picked me up. As one of my favorite people in the world, I know Gaybird and I would have a blast doing whatever in Vegas - and we went in with the hookups. We were staying with a married couple at their house, whom I've met before. Long story short because reliving it is painful. The wife, an ex-stripper and pill popping feign decided to pop some "candy" before we went to dinner and halfway through the first course at the Foundation Room at Mandalay Bay the drugged up ex-nude decided to ask the waiter, and I quote, "Is it true what they say - once you go black you never go back?" Oh yah, our waiter was African-American. LUCKILY, he laughed it off and was a good sport but I came this close to tossing myself from the 43rd floor balcony to get away. After dinner we proceeded over to the lounge area where we were curtly "excused" (86'd) after only 10 minutes. I didn't even get to finish my $15 martini. So, we were home by 11:15 - IN VEGAS. I'm telling you, Gaybird and I wanted out so bad that I paid $60 extra and we took one of the first flights back to LA the next morning. Oh yah, I forgot to mention the wife's decision to share with me her "special photo album". While expecting to see wedding photos or baby photos, instead, I was treated to an album full of photos of her having, um, relations with other women. I locked my bedroom door that night. Why me? WHHHHYYYYY. Ahhh, it happens to me so I can entertain you.

Tonight I think I'm going to lock myself in my room and read a book and lay like broccoli. Thinking I'll probably turn off the phone too, although, then Charlie might break into my house. And I've already had one breaking-and-entering for the month of July.