"You are a Trouble Magnet"

One of my dearest friends, Mark, told me today that I'm "a trouble magnet". And perhaps he's right. Perhaps instead of REPELLING good luck, I attract "trouble". But, for my own peace of mind, and so my co-pay at my shrink doesn't go from $25 to $10 ($10 co-pays are for serious mental problems only), let's just say, I attract "adventures". Example.

Two weeks ago I went on craigslist and adopted a wonderful puppy who was supposedly a "rescue dog" from a very, well, zealous couple. I knew something was a little off when they brought the dog over to "visit" and they lectured me for 20 minutes on what types of dog food I should feed him. In my mind, I was thinking, "It's dog food. It's not like I'm going to run to Big Lots and buy the expired shit." Well, I absolutely adored the dog, whom I named, "Bo Duke", and proceeded to write a check and sign a contract with the adoption Nazis.

Within days of this new addition joining my miniature family, the Nazis began stalking me via phone telling me that they wanted the dog back. My reaction was always, "Um, no, you batty freaks." Bo and I would frolic on the beach - woman's true best friend. And then it happened. I went to dinner on a Friday night locking Bo in the house to gnaw on a bone or lick himself or whatever dogs do when they're alone, and when I came home 2 hours later? Bo go bye bye. Apparently, Bo grew opposable thumbs and let himself out the door, closing it behind himself because he was no where to be found. As a second miracle, the stalking ended. Coincidence? I think not.

I called LAPD. Besides laughing directly into the phone, they recommended that I go play Nancy Drew and find out if Bo was at the Nazi abode. Apparently gang murders and crack dealers are a bigger deal than my half Corgi/half Shephard mix puppy. F-ers.

So, I've given up. Last night I put the doggy bowls away in the cupboard and tonight I may move the doggy bed to a storage bin. Rachel. The girl who had a dog for 4 days. I'm just going to add this pet adventure to the ones that have come before - my goldfish who exploded and my parakeet whose beak fell off.

So, my adventures reach beyond men. Maybe I do attract trouble. Or does trouble find me? Is the glass half empty or is the glass half full? Well, if it's my wine glass? Empty.