The Social Solution

I have solved all of society's problems with rudeness and ignorance.

The government needs to issue “punch passes”.

Punch passes?

Yes. In times of inane stupidity and/or irritation, the pass would entitle you to a free punch on the person of your choice.

Much like a “get out of jail free” card, the “punch passes” would be strictly rationed and only to be used in extreme annoyance. And I’m not talking Ivander Holyfield-esque punches - solid enough to knock some sense into the punchee but not significant enough to leave permanent damage (unless it’s for the greater good).

“But Rachel, why so angry?” You ask.

Well, my dears, there are some seriously ignorant and obnoxiously stupid individuals floating around out there. But, generally, I’m surrounded by intelligent, decent people who just do extremely stupid things at times – your writer included. And when those stupidity attacks present themselves, something should be done to knock those individuals back into the land of the normal. And the solution? Punch passes.
If each person were issued 5 passes per year, that would be equal to (according to the most recent census) 1,478,670,670 (295,734,134 x 5) acts of senseless stupidity met with consequence in the United States alone. (I know, I’m getting a little advanced on the math, but, hey, that’s how I roll.) Not only would it be a measure of consequence, but, damn, it would feel good to crack the crap out of the woman who just asked me when I’m due when I’m not even preggos. Most likely, she would avoid that behavior in the future.
Yes, punch passes = deterrent.

I know what you’re thinking – if deterrents worked on humans, then why are jails still meeting capacity? The punch passes aren’t meant to deter people from illegal behaviors, because, let’s be honest, you could issue me a billion punch passes and I’ll still be damned if I’m go up to a serial rapist and crack him a good one. Nope. Not gonna happen. All I want to do is put an end to the senseless stupidity that sends our blood pressure through the roof, and, quite frankly, is causing me to eat more.

Try it.

The next time you have a run-in with such a person (perhaps a gentleman smacks you disrespectfully on the ass as you pass by – and he’s NOT hot), stop and visualize a swift punch to whichever body part you select (below the belt not recommended as that can cause permanent damage to the baby making parts), their startled yet enlightened look of "oh shit, I shouldn't have done that", and the handing over of the punch pass as you walk away feeling relieved and rid of all irritation.

It would work. It really would.

All in favor of punch passes say “Aye!”