Northern Exposure

You know that you have close girlfriends when you have a wardrobe malfunction in front of one of their fiancees and everyone just laughs hysterically.

Yah - that's me. That's how I roll.

While at the beach on Saturday, we decided to go frolicking in the ocean. Women never like to miss a golden opportunity to look hot. It was myself, two of my girlfriends and the token fiancee. I tried to strike into my sexy mode by jumping like a mermaid into an oncoming wave. My thought was that I would come out of the mermaid dive after the wave passed and run my fingers through my wet glistening hair, like a scene out of The Blue Lagoon. Unfortunately, this is me we're talking about so when I came up for air, I couldn't open my eyes for fear of popping out a contact, so the first 5-10 seconds was spent rubbing my eyes in lieu of looking hot and sexy.

It wasn't until I heard my girlfriends and the fiancee screaming with laughter and the words "Your tit's hanging out!" between the fits that I realized that my sexy mermaid dive went awry and the right side of my bikini top was being worn around my neck - full on northern exposure.

I'm as smooth as a gravel walkway.

Now, some girls will get bent out of shape when certain areas of another female's body are exposed to their fiancee or boyfriend's view. But not my friend. I'm pretty sure I heard her yell at the top of her lungs, "Hey Ross! Rachel's boob is hanging out!" Awesome. You gotta love women with confidence - makes awkward situations much less awkward.

I have to decided to hang up the quest for mermaid sexiness and tighten my bikini tops. Because really, that's the only lesson that can come from this. That and spf the hell out of seemingly unexposed body parts. Because you never know when one will want to come out and party.

PS: After the great Boob Incident of 2006, we got 86'd from the OCEAN because the lifeguard saw us drinking alcohol. Honestly, who has ever been 86'd from an entire ocean besides us?