No Speak English

I'm sitting here now in the living room nursing a minor hangover. They put something in the rum down here that could put hair on your chest. Ouch.

We had a kickass first day here. The weather was perfect - we rolled by the pool all day. Unfortunately, like I said, NO ONE speaks the english here so even the littlest things are difficult to communicate. I often have to sign what I'm doing and the people just roll their eyes, laugh and say (I think) "Silly Americanas". But I'm having fun with it.

Last night one of the bartenders asked us our names. He spoke no english whatsoever. So, naturally, I introduced us as "Sexy" and "Bitches". He kept pointing back and forth between Jill and I saying, "Sexy Bitches." I almost died. I thought the locals were supposed to play tricks on us and not vice versa.

After a brief nap and some dinner, we went to what everyone kept saying was a "very famous dance party" at the corner of our resort. And they weren't kidding. I felt like I was at a rave - an old person at a rave. I was by far the oldest one in there. Somehow I talked our way into VIP (I think they just got fed up with my sign language) and I was perfectly content watching the 2,000 or so half-naked 18 year olds run around with suckers in their mouth dancing to American music. We even got hit on by a very sweet, very macho, 18-year-old. He did speak some English which was fun - I was able to order him to get me a drink - bonus. He thought we were awesome because "I love American girls". I asked him, "Do you love old American women?" He laughed. Is that a "yes" or a "no"? I didn't clarify.

The best part was that they were playing all American music, so we were pretty much the only 2 out of thousands that actually knew the words. Killer - we rocked it.

When we came back to the room the "Sexy Bitches" bartender called our room. But, I never gave him our room number (creepy) and he spoke no english. I thought he was calling for room service because I had just placed an order. So I kept saying "hamburger" into the phone. Needless to say I identified him when he said "Sexy bitches" and then I laughed and hung up because really, the conversation is going no where beyond "hamburger" and "sexy bitches". Homie shouldn't be calling strange girl's rooms anyway at 3am.

And so it begins again. These sexy bitches are hitting the beach as soon as I go punch Jill in the head with a pillow to wake her up.

Adios!!