Argh Mateys

I never cease to amaze myself. Really and truly. I had what can be considered a string of "weird" luck this past weekend - a giant IRS bill to pay, broken digital camera, missing house/work keys, etc. But to top it all off, I spent the majority of the weekend as a wannabe pirate. Yes, you heard me right. A pirate - argh mateys.

After sleeping in my contacts Friday night (don't ask) I proceeded to rub my eyes and scratch the crap out of my cornea. I am actually surprised that it is even still attached. As I couldn’t find any of my friends, I had to drive, one-eyed to the urgent care in Bev Hills where they put some weird gooey gunk in my eye and then topped it off with a PATCH. I specifically requested a pink one, but, they did not have that. Bastards.

So, off I went in my white pirate-patch. Can you say HOT?! Because I can.

On my way home, I had sketchy depth perception so I banged into a curb trying to make a right hand turn at 30 mph and got a flat tire. The AAA guy did everything in his power to not laugh at me but it was no use. I allowed him to point and laugh for a solid 10 minutes, thus embracing the feeling of utter humiliation. The laughing man, who was about 70 and 450 lbs then offered to put the car on his truck and tow me and my car home for free because he felt so bad for me, which the remaining 3 tires greatly appreciated. Unfortunately for me, he reaked of pachoulie so I gagged the entire way home.

I am happy to report, though, that the patch has been removed and I am now simply sporting the nerd glasses. Lasik, here I come.

Someone send me a rabbit's foot or something - Rach needs a change of luck!