Faultline

I was having a conversation with a girlfriend today who recently started dating a new guy. Very quickly, she found out that he has a problem with saying he is going to call to make plans and doesn't. In the middle of the conversation, she asked me the following question:

"If a person is handicapped, can you fault them for what they can't do? Because I really feel some men are severely handicapped in certain areas of life."

I quickly intervened because she was a little off. And that's my job. Puther straight.

There is a difference between being handicapped and being challenged.

You can not be angry at an individual who is a quadriplegic (handicap) for not being able to play basketball.

But a child with dyslexia (challenge) can become great world leaders like George Patton and brilliant inventors like Thomas Edison.

It's all about examining oneself and figuring out how to overcome the areas that you are challenged in.

(For the purpose of ease, I'm speaking about men and women who have not been diagnosed with a concrete handicap, so, no peanut gallery comments.)

Men are not handicapped. Some men (and sure, yes, women too) are challenged in certain areas of life - absolutely. Generally, men (particularly those residing in the greater Los Angeles area) are challenged in the area of romantic relationships and communication. But, again, they are not handicapped. So to answer her question? Yes. One can hold them at fault for mistakes that they make within a relationship. But, as I stated before, the key is to learn from challenges and mistakes and adapt and grow as to not make the same mistakes more than once.

SO?

Well, my advice to her and to people who suffer from challenges a partner brings into a relationship is this: they are not handicapped so don't give them the benefit of treating them like they are. When a challenge is presented - confront it ONCE. Let him (her) know the issue. It's then up to them. They have a simple choice: fix it or don't. If they don't, buh bye, sayonara, au revoir, adios. If they do, then they are a person (mature at that) who wants to learn from prior experiences and not be continuously crippled in relationships by their own shortcomings, ahem, challenges.

Perhaps I'm dumbing it down a bit, but, when you really stop and think of it - it is pretty simple. We all have our shortcomings - some more than others - so instead of enabling those shortcomings, address them and put it back in their court to change or remain challenged. Easy as Paris Hilton, no?

COMPLETELY UNRELATED SIDENOTE: What's with that cheerleader that fell on her head and continued cheering while being carted away on the stretcher? The girl's got some serious spirit or brain damage, one of the two. Dang.