Really - Curling?

I have to admit, I'm not a real big fan of the Olympics. It's cool to watch some events here and there, but, overall, to me, it's just not a cool example of what I do with my freetime. I do have a comment, though: what's with curling being a TELEVISED Olympic sport? I always though curling was for old people, but, apparently, that's not so. They have actual teams with warm-up suits and the majority of the team looks to be under 40 - shocking. So then I began to think, "Maybe there's hope for me. Maybe I can be in the Olympics after all!"

I was too lanky for gymnastics. I was too short for volleyball. I can't get off the bunny hill on skis. Way too slow for track and field. Too not butch for hockey. And I wasn't willing to wear those lame-ass spandex glitter suits for iceskating. I had no chance whatsoever of being an Olympic champion.

But last night, while watching a "Law & Order" rerun, I saw a commercial for "live Olympic coverage of the men's and women's curling". Wowsers. How hard can shoving an overgrown puck across the ice with a broom possibly be? Originally an elitist sport for doctors and clergymen (according to the Hamburg Curling Club website), it is now a bonafied Olympic sport. This could be my chance, my friends. My big chance for an Olympic gold. I'll go ahead and put "learn to curl" on my to-do list for 2006. Maybe I'll even double qualify for curling AND bobsleigh (hey, if those dudes from Jamaica can do it surely so can I). Yup, I see stardom and gold in my future. Bet my new curling career will also help with my goal of "shrink that ass".

This is all good.